i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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