Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
