Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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