Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
