Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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