i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
