i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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