C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
