I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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