Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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