I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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