I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
