Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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