oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
