I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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