dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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