saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
