i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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