its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
