You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
