At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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