I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
