my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
