Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
