Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
