I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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