I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
