when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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