Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
