: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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