i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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