You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
