if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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