i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize