what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
