i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
