Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
well you can't waste a boner
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
