It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
