So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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