I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
