Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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