Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's never too late to be topless.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
