Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
