if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
