i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize