I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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