i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
