hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
