Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
