So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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