can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
