Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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