dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
