get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you didnt know i had herpes?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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