It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
