Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
