You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
