This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
