Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize