Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
