Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Houston, we have a squirter
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
