The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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