Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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