Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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