Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
