She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
