Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
