I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
