He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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