I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
